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The Magnificent Bingo Brothers Presents! [Oct. 15th, 2007|01:28 pm]
100 Crackfics




Title: The Magnificent Bingo Brothers Presents!
Author: Krahka
Fandom: Morrowind
Claim: The Elder Scrolls
Prompt: 031. Sock Puppet Theater
Word Count: 1059
Rating and Warnings: Some swearing, silly violence and WTFery.
Synopsis: Two enterprising Bosmer decide to put on a puppet show explaining the life and times of the Neravarine. Thistle Flower being my Neravarine. An' such.

Table coming. SOON!

THARON: “And now the Magnificent Bingo Brothers!”
YSIM: ”We’re the Magnificent Bingo Brothers, we are here to put on a show!”
THARON: ”A show! A show indeed!”
YSIM: “By the sovereign grace of Almsivi! We shall have a show for you tonight!”
THARON: ”A show of wonders! A show of horrors! A show of magnificent proportions!”
YSIM: ”It is a tale of romance!”
THARON: ”It is a tale of adventure!”
YSIM: ”It is a tale of suffering!”
THARON: ”It is a tale of human suffering!”
YSIM: ”It is a tale of noble suffering!”
THARON: ”Actually, on second thought, it’s kinda a tale of Argonian suffering.”
YSIM: ”It is a tale of prophesy!”
THARON: ”Prophesies ancient and true!”
YSIM: “Of dark evils and the light that illuminates the evil deeds of the past!”
THARON: “Of great magic and powerful powers!”
YSIM: ”Of tragedy! Oh great tragedy!”
THARON: ”Wait, wait, Ysim, which part was the tragedy?”
YSIM: ”The part where she dies fool, now shut up! The crowd’s is growing restless!”
THARON: ”Wait, I thought that she was still alive! We didn’t rehearse a death scene! I forgot the guar blood!”
YSIM: ”Shut up Tharon! I’ve got it all covered! Just do what you’re supposed to do!”
THARON: ”Fine, whatever. Shut up Ysim.”
YSIM: “Yes! This is the tale of Thistle Flower, Neravarine! Hortator!”
THARON: “Whore tater? What? That’s the worst title I’ve ever heard!”
YSIM: ”Slayer of Dagoth Ur! Huntress of all dark forces! Demons run in terror at the sight of her mighty spear and tremble at the sound of her spells! Yes! Thistle Flower is powerful indeed! But she was not always so!”
THARON: ”Ah, um, oh no sir! She began in humble circumstances! Born on a certain day, to uncertain parents, under the sign of the Dragon!”
YSIM: ”On a night when the Dragon was blazing in the sky, burning down towns and eating peasants.”
THARON: ”Reportedly, they are tasty. But I don’t trust dragons.”
YSIM: “‘Cept the Emperor, heheh.”
THARON: ”Wait, the Emperor’s a Dragon? Since when? That kinda explains everything.”
YSIM: “Shut up Tharon!”
THARON: ”No YOU shut up Ysim!”
YSIM: ”Augh! Let’s just get on with the show.”
THARON: ”Fine.”
YSIM: “Get the puppets ready.”
THARON: ”Already done.”
YSIM: ”So the Dragon was blazing in the sky! Eating small children! Terrifying old women! Kidnapping princesses and otherwise being all dragon-like!”
DRAGON: ”Rawr! I’m a dragon! I am in the sky! I am blazing!”
YSIM: ”But the dragon is irrelevant! More important is the egg that was lying around in the swampy wastelands of the Black Marsh!”
EGG: ”Hi! I’m an egg! Someday I will be a whore tater!”
YSIM: “It was abandoned there, but fortunately for the Entire World there came a band of mighty Argonian hunters!”
HUNTER: “Oh look! It is an egg! Egg! What are you doing there?”
EGG: ”My parents are dead and I know not who they are! I am a poor and defenseless egg!”
HUNTER: ”A poor and defenseless egg? We must take it home with us and raise it as our own!”
EGG: ”I am picked up!”
YSIM: “And with that, destiny was made! Destiny came into motion! Soon that egg hatched, and it grew! It grew and it grew and it grew into a giant!”
THARON: ”Thistle Flower! Ten feet tall! Eats human flesh! Saves us all from the Neravarine!”
YSIM: ”Saves us from the Neravarine? She IS the Neravarine!”
THARON: ”All the scarier! But she saves us from evil anyway!”
YSIM: “Oh yes! And one day, she got together with her adopted father and voiced her desire to stab evil in the gut!”
THISTLE FLOWER: ”Oh father! It is now come the time to stab people in the gut! I must leave and go and stab people in the gut!”
FATHER: ”Move daughter! For great justice!”
YSIM: “But all was not well!”
DAEDRA: ”I am a Daedra and I am here to kill you and eat your babies!”
THISTLE FLOWER: ”I’m Thistle Flower! I’m the one who eats babies!”
FATHER: “Augh! I am dead! Oh!”
THISTLE FLOWER: ”Father! Oh no! You are dead! I shall swear revenge!”
DAEDRA: “Oh! I have been stabbed again!”
YSIM: “So with vengeance in her heart, she went out to do the only logical thing.”
THARON: “Kill off everyone in the local Imperial village!”
IMPERIAL: “Eeeek! I am being killed!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “Die die! Hahaha! I am taking revenge against the Daedra!”
IMPERIAL: “But I’m not a Daedra! I’m an Imperial!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “That’s what she said! Now I stab you with my powerful magics!”
YSIM: “But it wasn’t long before she got caught!”
GUARD: “Halt halt!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “Oh no officer sir! I have had nothing at all to do with the murder behind this closed door!”
GUARD: “Halt halt!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “Do you have any witnesses? I don’t see any witnesses! They’re all dead!”
YSIM: “But they weren’t exactly buying her story.”
GUARD: “Halt halt!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “It would seem that you are not buying my story. Perhaps I should be leaving now.”
GUARD: “Halt halt!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “You’ll never catch me!”
GUARD: “Halt halt!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “Aaaaaagh! You caught me!”
YSIM: “So she was taken to PRISON FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!”
THISTLE FLOWER: “Now I am in prison for the rest of my life! Oh woe is I!”
ORDINATOR: “You know who else will be in prison for life?”
THARON: “Ohhh shit.”
ORDINATOR: “Do you think that the Temple will stand for these slanders and this sssssssssilliness?”
YSIM: “Lies? What lies sir? We researched everything from reputable documents! I mean we made a few arrangements here and there . . .”
ORDINATOR: “You’ll be coming with me sssssssscum.”
THARON: “We got a tonna permits! See? See? We got one from the Duke! You can’t argue with the Duke!”
ORDINATOR: “Thissss is not a permit for performance! Thissss is a building contract!”
THARON: “We’re building stories! We’re building dreams!”
ORDINATOR: “You are performing terrible sssssssock puppet shows on the streetsssss of the Holy City! You two shall be coming with me!”
YSIM: “Well, that seems like a wrap for this time! We’ll be going home, um, prematurely! That’s right! Early! Come back next time and the Magnificent Bingo Brothers will be performing about the life and love life of Vivec!”
THARON: “I hope. I worked hard on that Molag Bal puppet. It’s green.”
YSIM: “This is all your fault Tharon.”
THARON: “Mine? This is your fault! I’m not the one who decided that Thistle Flower should be drenched in blood!”
YSIM: “Yeah, but at least I’m not as ugly as your mom.”
ORDINATOR: “Oh snap!”

From: wolfdancer
2007-10-26 02:29 pm (UTC)

oh crack

yes.. crack indeed.
sits in a quiet place and mumms to her self atempting to make sence of it all.
am amused. Confused. but over all liked it.
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